Category Archives: Author’s Notes

Thoughts on: The Dragon

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The Dragon was inspired by the trials my friend Naga and his wife have gone through since he developed a chronic illness, recently diagnosed as CFS. But in many ways it is also my story.

When my partner and I met, I knew he had some medical problems, but they were minor things. He got migraines, and needed to walk with a cane sometimes because of a bad knee. Sure, the migraines knocked him out for a couple of days, but it was only a once in a while thing, right? The PTSD and depression I didn’t even think about. I’d lived with them so long myself that his suffering from them as well as largely, “Okay, well we both know what to expect.”

We’d been together about a year before he started going down hill, and shortly after our son was born I had to turn down a very good paying job because my partner was so ill he couldn’t take care of the baby while he worked.

In the three years since then we have found one partially effective treatment, a half dozen doctors who can’t make a diagnosis, two doctors who insist my partner is making everything up, two doctors who said he would be dead soon if we didn’t find a treatment but offered no assistance in finding one, one useless disability lawyer, several useless shrinks, and many, many, many people who want my partner to get over himself and just ‘make himself’ function.

The worst was people who thought they knew better because of what they or their relatives went through (“My father made himself breakfast while standing on two crutches, he damn well take his dishes back to the sink!” It’s great that your father was able to work around his disability that way. My partner is not your father, and he is not dealing with the same disability.)

I will be honest. I have thought of leaving, more than once over the years. But for all the pain, for all the struggle, for all the occasional hopelessness, my life is better with him than without him, and I believe our son’s is too.

Recently, the writing-and-book section of Twitter was inundated with the #weneeddiversebooks discussion. It was a discussion I was pleased to see and pleased to take part in. Disability is not usually thought of as part of diversity. Diversity means race or gender or sexual orientation. Sometimes it means religion. But Naga and Jalan and my partner and I have stories to tell also. The many, many people for whom their bodies and minds are just as much a supervillian as any comic book character, and for whome just living normal life and surviving each day is a victory have a place in our fantasy worlds and science fiction space colonies.

I hope you have enjoyed Naga’s and my story. It’s a story that needed to be told.

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Hey folks, due to combination of life and holidays, this months story will be delayed. Barring further acts of Murphy, it’ll be up next Sunday.

In other news, my full-length kinky fantasy romance novel, Glamourhai, is out on Amazon.

When the fae lord, Oeloeff, takes his sister, Mattin seeks out Countess Jahlene n’Erida, a fae noble who is Oeloff’s enemy, and begs her to help free his sister. In return for her help, he offers the only thing he has–himself. Lady Jahlene accepts Mattin’s offer, and he finds himself an initiate of a strange world where pain is pleasure, cruelty is love, and nothing is as it seems.

Mattin hates being a slave, almost as much as he hates and fears the fae. But as he learns more about Jahlene, he finds himself drawn to her, and her sadistic pleasures. As they race to prepare their trap for Oeloff, Mattin fights to reconcile his desires with his fears. Until he makes a mistake that costs him everything…

Glamourhai cover

Thoughts on: Salvage

Salvage

I can be honest here, right?

Writing a trans character terrified me.

I try to be a good ally, but I know that it doesn’t matter how much I educate myself, or how much my trans friends choose to tell me about their experiences. The truth is, I don’t understand.

Just as most men will never understand the daily shit women deal with, just as a white person can never grok the systematic oppression PoC deal with every fucking day, I, as a cis woman, can never understand what life is like for a trans* person.

And that means, sooner or later, I’m going to get something wrong. Sooner or later I’m going to make a mistake, an write something that adds to the problem rather than being part of the solution.

The easy answer, the ‘safe’ answer, would be not to write trans* characters. To write worlds where the binary is not an illusion, but the reality. A world where everyone is either a man, or a woman, and there’s nothing in between.

I would never make a mistake then, never write a trans* character in a way that was damaging or insulting or fed the idiotic stereotypes. But then there would be a bigger problem, a bigger mistake. The mistake of pretending that trans* people don’t exist.

I hope I did a good job writing John. I hope I managed to avoid being offensive or reinforcing stereotypes. But if I didn’t? If I did make those mistakes? I can live with it.

I can live with it a lot easier than I could live with writing trans* out of existence.

e[lust] #52

Secretlysensous Photo courtesy of Secretly Sensuous

Welcome to e[lust] – The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #53? Start with the newly updated rules, come back December 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month�s Top Three Posts ~

He came in my shoes
Secret Pleasures and a Lifeline
Vulnerability as courage

~ Featured Post (Molly�s Picks) ~

Golden Showers
If.

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the �read more�� tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Non-Fiction

Adressing my Master T
Afterglow, Wounded
Fantasy is Reality, or is it the other way…
Pig Tails? Really?
The Kilt and a Prom Dress
what i want
Whipped & Fucked
Because When You Look at Me, You See Me.

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

SexyLittleIdeas – My Sex Rules
New Rule
Collar Envy (Warning this post is Mushy)
the flood.
Today I cried
Why I love NRE even when it scares me
Love, or Lack Thereof, for an Abuser
a) monogamy b) polyamory c) neither

Sex News,Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

More Than Just Orgasms
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Bed
Sex By Numbers = Bad Sex

Erotic Fiction

Such a Good Girl
Spontaneous Combustion
Seasonal Changes
Wet…bound and gagged
Larry’s Prom Date
Property’s Prospective
Inspiration
SATURDAY NIGHT SPRINKLE [WW W74]
Evie and the Trainspotter
Don’t Miss A Drop
Marked

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Sub Silent
7(Random)Suggestions for Submissives & Slaves
Communication in D/s Relationships

Writing About Writing

Seven Sex Books I Read, Plus One I Didn’t
Thoughts on: The Blood Mage’s Sacrifice
Desiring Faggotry

Events

EroticonUSA- Penny’s Perspective

Blogging

From Prude to Proud Sex Blogger


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Thoughts on: Blood Mage’s Sacrifice

It’s called a ‘cultural narrative’–the stories we tell each other about how people are supposed to behave and the way society is supposed to work. Partly thanks to Disney, “Love at first sight, live happily ever after” has become a very strong cultural narrative in America today.

There are cultural narratives for all kinds of things, from having kids, to finding a job, to how crime is dealt with. ‘Alt-‘ culture, in its various forms, is alt- because it rejects one or more of these cultural narratives, and creates its own path. Alternative relationships, alternative sexuality, alternative religions, all reject cultural narratives about [relationships, sexuality, religion]. Which (it’s shocking, I know) I am totally in favour of.

I remember thinking years ago how fucked up the cultural narrative is for abusers. At the time, the only cultural narrative I knew of for abusers was the “abusers are unredeemable monsters who should be cut off from all good and decent people.” Since then I’ve come across another narrative, “The abuser lashes out from old pain and fear, and can be saved and healed with the love of the right women.”

Honestly, I would be hard put to tell which of these narratives is most damaging.

Here’s the thing: we need cultural narratives for redemption. We need the stories of the drunkard who manages to beat the addiction, the murder who repents and turns his life to good, the idiot who unthinkingly hurts people and learns to recognize the harm and tries to start helping people.

Why do we need them? Because cultural narratives are how we learn what we are supposed to act like. And for things like religion and relationship and sexuality, telling society to fuck off, we’re doing are own thing is great.

But think of the person who looks up one day and realizes they are an abuser. There’s not classes in school on what to do when you realize you’ve lost control of your anger and hit someone you love. There’s no classes on what a college jock is supposed to do when they realize they let hormones and peer pressure push them to far and have sex with an unconscious teen. How do they know what to do when they realize what they’ve done?

Cultural narratives.

And right now, the cultural narratives for abusers and rapists encourage them to A) deny they are any such thing, B) just go ahead and kill themselves, because they are now this horrible monster and can never be redeemed, C) turn to the other people in their lives and say “Well if you were good enough you could redeem me, so it’s your fault I do this.”

(Anyone want to take a guess how many people choose option B? Yeah, I’d guess that self-preservation instinct kicks in and option B, the only option that involves taking responsibility for your actions, never even occurs to most people. Because when taking responsibility=I might as well kill myself…THAT DOESN’T WORK!!!!)

Marc isn’t your usual kind of abuser. He isn’t driven by anger, or hormones, or a desire to control and punish. But he doesn’t need to be.

I didn’t start this story intending to create a narrative for abusers. I didn’t start it to shake my finger at the BDSM community and the way it handles abuse. I just had an idea for a character who needed to make a human sacrifice for [reasons] but was actually an ethical guy who wanted to find a way to do it without actually, ya know, killing someone. It was half way through writing it, that I realized the story, and Marc, actually played into my old thoughts about abuse and the need for other cultural narratives of abusers.

Could I have ended it as a Happily For Now? Yeah. But I like this ending better. I hope you do too.

Read The Blood Mage’s Sacrifice

e[lust] #51

potter Photo courtesy of Property of Potter

Welcome to e[lust] – The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #52? Start with the newly updated rules, come back November 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

7 (Random!) Suggestions for Dominant Types!

Pain Positive

i know what you are.

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Golden Girl

Have You Met Larry

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Poetry

Shown
To Punt or Not To Punt, That is the Question

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

SexyLittleIdeas – Why PUA Is Like Feminism
Understanding When His Glass is Full
To Minxy Malone, Thanks For Everything
Biting the Bun
The List (is a waste of time)
Confronting Your Sense of Entitlement
What Do You Prefer: Cut or Uncut?
My Secret Relationship with Max
Quaint Little Categories
Erectile dysfunction isn’t a big deal

Erotic Fiction

Property Procured
The Delight of Leather
Christmas Eve Surprise
Granny’s Door
Lolita Twenty-Thirteen, Part Nine
Jessica
The Edge of the Park
Trust
The Blood Mage’s Sacrifice
The Spanking Paddle-Off
Used, Using, Endless

Erotic Non-Fiction

I Want You To
Love like a lotus
Bend to my will
Spanked
How you helped me to stray
Little Lightening Bolts v. Rayne’s Clit
Master’s Fuck Toy
Conflict
Tease For Two
Memories of Spunk
“It’s total perfection.”
Fucking a Girl with a Double Dildo

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Insatiable Whore
Thoughts: Submissive Journals
Bondage vs. restraint
Dominant and Submissive “Fix”
Baring It All
Blow Job Submission – A spicy twist
Quickstart Guide
Struggling with sub drop

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

American Tantra is Full of Shit
Really, Riddick? Really?

Blogging

My nudity

Events

CatalystCon Part 1: Dildos, dildos, dildos


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